The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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