Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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