I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I look better un-naked...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
