:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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