Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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