honey bunches of taint.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
