He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
