Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
