What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
