hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
