dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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