I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
