Soap is not a condiment
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
