no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
