haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My bed smells like the plague
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