Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
