i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
