I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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