i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
