Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
