One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
