You can't special order awesome
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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