Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
