I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
