I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
