I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
