You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
