I'd wear matching sweaters with you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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