she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
