How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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