You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
