I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
