Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
