My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
