Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
