i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize