If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
