yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
