I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
