I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
