Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
