just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
