I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
