I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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