I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
