i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The air taste purple.
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