Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
