it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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