margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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