Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
