Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
