im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
