So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
