So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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