I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
