i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
